My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
