He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize