I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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