sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
