I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
