i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We are two peas in an std pod
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
