just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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