here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
