i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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