is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
