My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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