the condom got lost in my hair
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Pooping to opera.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
