My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
