Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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