So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
