I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
