Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
