She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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