Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
