Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
