He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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