All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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