508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
