Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
