I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
