Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Less talking, more tequila
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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