Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
