Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
