Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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