i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
