I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
