someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
