her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You don't make any sense
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