He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
