cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
