Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
