Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
