I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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