so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
