Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
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