You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
