all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can't trust your balls anymore.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
