Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
