so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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