ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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