I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
