So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
