My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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