Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
