she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
