Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
