We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
