If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
