we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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