I wanna passion pit in your ass
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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