one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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