Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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