Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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