The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
