No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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