it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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