I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
