dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
