So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
