; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
