He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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