Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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