note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
