i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
