C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
it glows. i had to have it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
